Girls Will be Boys

So I just posted something that my post was going to be about intentionality. Well, I lied; expect something on that tonight. I have some navel gazing to do. And I wholly promise that this is not going to be one of those “nice boys finish last” posts. Not that I am a nice guy, I truly can be a first class asshole.

All girls are boys.

Boys get a bum rap for being emotionally unavailable, and just wanting a piece of ass. There are so-called “bad boys” and they end up getting boy band ass, they treat people like shit, and no one calls their bluff. They are probably more or less broken on the inside. Girls lie when they want someone who is deep and is going to truly value the person that they are on the inside, someone that will ask them about their feelings, their hopes, their dreams.

I think after failed relationships we wall off a tiny portion of ourselves and say that no one is going to touch us here again, because it hurts too fucking much when it stops. At least that is my experience. Some of us (present company included) started off like this even before we were hurt in a relationship. It makes emotional intimacy incredibly difficult, some would say impossible. We say that by reserving the inner 3% of ourselves that we won’t get hurt anymore, but we also have to resign to the fact that if we aren’t going to get hurt then we are not going to have to experience that inner deepest satisfaction.

The interesting thing is that this came up in two wholly separate conversations, one with an old friend, one with a new one recently. The old friend spoke in terms of ‘ghosts.’ That he has past relationships that have left scar tissue on his ability to form healthy relationships, he even went so far as to go to a frat party, act like the emotionally unavailable fuckwad and ended up getting invited up to a girls room for an ‘after party.’ In his words “he lost respect for humanity at that point.” But I like the idea of there being ghosts of relationships that are with us, no one ever said that ghosts have to haunt, but maybe they help us from making the same mistakes again, or guide us in making a new mistake.

The second friend brought it up as a fear; her analysis being that she can’t be with a nice guy for too long, he gets too boring, then she goes to a ‘bad boy’ because he is interesting. I can’t say that I have gone through this cycle personally, but my preliminary thoughts on this are two fold, 1. It’s ok to want someone to be emotionally unavailable, when it gets to the point where someone’s questions are no longer interesting but prying then it is time to stop. And 2. Why is there such a fucking double standard on girls that want to be emotionally unavailable? Who said that they all have to be deep, and want someone to care about their problems?

So back to the original premise… girls really are boys. Sometimes they really don’t want you to care about their problems or they don’t want you to probe into their inner thoughts and fears. And I guess that may be ok.

(A tidbit: Jews celebrate Thanksgiving just like the rest of us … I am so embarrassed…)

(A second tidbit: My First Kiss got engaged the other day. I feel sooooo old. But most definitely a congratulations is in order!)