Rules of FaceBook
Alright, it has to be said. TheFacebook was made for stalking. Whoever invented this was obviously a creepy 9th year senior and needed to keep tabs on the incoming freshman. And chances are you are on it; that is if your parents loved you enough to get you a computer. So I think there should be some basic ground rules for TheFacebook and its use for proper stalking:
1. Do not take your own picture. TheFacebook is not Myspace. Although they have some similarities, one takes over your life, the other one consumes your soul and your will to live.
2. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas, same with highschool. I get it, let’s friend everyone in highschool that was cool enough like me to go to college like me, unless you are into stalking people from highschool…. Then by all means friend away.
3. You have 454 friends, none of them like you. (Oh know who you are.) Unless you are Tim Kubart, then you probably really do have 350 friends, and all I can say is “I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy.”
4. For chirsakes, how can I stalk you if you don’t have a picture? I can’t stalk a question mark.
5. Speaking of pictures, if you put a picture up of you without a shirt, you had better be a lady … If you are a guy, put a fucking shirt on, you don’t want to be “that guy.”
6. And no pictures of you drinking, your in college, you drink, we get it, whoop de fricken do. And if you have pictures of you being shirtless and drinking? Fucking A man, fucking A.
So now that the ground rules have been laid, let’s talk about stalking, it is ok to look at that hot girl’s pic that sits in your English class, maybe tell your friends that you are seriously crushing on her, cause that is cool. We all like to have crushes. What is not cool is to save her picture as your desktop, watch all of her favorite movies, and recite quotes to her outside her door. As well I would consider it borderline sketchy if you have their AIM on your buddy list, and you check their away messages compulsively (another post) and you have never talked to them. Come on, just say hi, admit that you were stalking them on IM and just wanted them to know … on second thought that would be creepy.
Note: Inspiration for the post came from CollegeHumor
1. Do not take your own picture. TheFacebook is not Myspace. Although they have some similarities, one takes over your life, the other one consumes your soul and your will to live.
2. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas, same with highschool. I get it, let’s friend everyone in highschool that was cool enough like me to go to college like me, unless you are into stalking people from highschool…. Then by all means friend away.
3. You have 454 friends, none of them like you. (Oh know who you are.) Unless you are Tim Kubart, then you probably really do have 350 friends, and all I can say is “I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy.”
4. For chirsakes, how can I stalk you if you don’t have a picture? I can’t stalk a question mark.
5. Speaking of pictures, if you put a picture up of you without a shirt, you had better be a lady … If you are a guy, put a fucking shirt on, you don’t want to be “that guy.”
6. And no pictures of you drinking, your in college, you drink, we get it, whoop de fricken do. And if you have pictures of you being shirtless and drinking? Fucking A man, fucking A.
So now that the ground rules have been laid, let’s talk about stalking, it is ok to look at that hot girl’s pic that sits in your English class, maybe tell your friends that you are seriously crushing on her, cause that is cool. We all like to have crushes. What is not cool is to save her picture as your desktop, watch all of her favorite movies, and recite quotes to her outside her door. As well I would consider it borderline sketchy if you have their AIM on your buddy list, and you check their away messages compulsively (another post) and you have never talked to them. Come on, just say hi, admit that you were stalking them on IM and just wanted them to know … on second thought that would be creepy.
Note: Inspiration for the post came from CollegeHumor
posted by Godot at 5:50 PM
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