God I love my family

For the record, I love my family, and God Bless my mom. She is coordinating the family pilgrimage home for Thanksgiving and is starting the recon for Christmas. This past week there has been a flurry of E-mails. I think it is best that I share some of the tidbits with some little explanations. Names have been changed to protect the guilty. This is a really long post and probably not that funny I won't be offended if you skip it.

Opening Email from Mom:

I know it is not yet Thanksgiving -- Halloween even! But it is not too early to start thinking about transportation plans and checking for cheaper airfare for Christmas. Uncle K____ is going to probably be in Casper Dec. 20 and leave on the 26th. He is doing Jay's wedding on the 27th of December and for those of you who may not yet know -- he will be in NYC -- not far from K____ all of next Semester!!!!!

Daddy wants to get a real tree in addition to the fake one and maybe do that Saturday after Thanksgiving. He is supposed to be in charge of that excursion. We'll see.

Let me know if you have any ideas for Thanksgiving -- turkey is a given -- what kind of stuffing? what for dessert? the cranberry jello recipe? the pinenut salad?

If we can put together a menu -- I can get all of the ingredients and we can all fix it together. I might see if Thao and Thien want to fix something Vietnamese -- perhaps an hor d'oeuvre (sp?).

The State Swim meet is this weekend -- you might want to give S______ a call.
Love,
MOM

That is pretty basic stuff, I get those E-mails from my mom a couple of times per week. This one was sent to the four of us that are away at college, and it just goes down hill from there.

My older Brother’s Reply:

hors d'oeuvre

not too far off! Anyways, I will be willing to drive people up from denver if you want ... Tell however those known for carrying a princessload of luggage would need to moderate their suitcase (for K____, an advanced outfit triage would be necessary). I think we have our Winter Formal here at the Medical school on Friday the 16th? --- So I could head back on saturday or sunday for christmas. I don't know how long I will be staying in casper ... I think that class starts on the 3rd for me, but S____ and L____ both are going to be in Denver for New Years, so I might try to get back down here to see them (and make some good use of my ski pass and shiny new skis).

All I know is that Turkey sounds fantastic for diner, and any kind of stuffing that excludes baccon is fine by me. I am somewhat partial towards pumpkin pie, but pecan pie also sounds really good. Other than that, I really don't have any suggestions. I probably ought get back to the p-chem of enzyme catalyzed rxns (my god, biochem is fun)

So, I will talk to you later
take care
J__

PS ---- Nobody really likes rascal that much, but a hors d'yorkie sounds disgusting... becareful when soliciting Thien's imput for the appitizers.

Classy, really classy, he had to bring in the Vietnamese eating my sister’s Yorkshire Terrier Rascal (the perennial whipping post). And yes, he did spell Bacon with two “C’s” So I had to let him know:

Seeing as how K___ has the first chance in 4 years to spend his birthday at home some respect is in order. However, he has to get back to nancing around in tights the 2nd of January (who is the hard worker now HAH!)

J__ there is one C in Bacon, although you did manage to spell the fancy word for Canape correctly, we know which one you had to look up :-). What would be awesome if you stuffed a chicken in a duck, then stuffed that into the Turkey, then deepfried the whole thing, They call that "TurDuckEn." On second thought, I don't think that would be on J____'s "I have a new girlfriend and must look svelte" diet. So scratch the TurDuckEn. The pine nut salad sounds fantastic, especially if served with petits haricots verts. Pumpkin Pie sounds awesome, although me ... I love pie, any pie. And as far as appetizers, Rascatard spring rolls sound rather off putting. But I would not be the one too stoop to such low-brow cultural niceities. If Thien must deep-fry Rascal I would be hesitant to come across as offending his culture if I were to object. Just know that on the inside I would be crying.


K___

Ok So I tried to steer the conversation towards not eating Rascal, I tried to no avail. Finally my sister jumps in to defend her pet’s honor.

Hey Hey Hey,

Ummm I like food thats my comment. heh you know me I would cry if you glazed a ham instead of a turkey. And I am going to side with J__ on the pumpkin pie... hmmm how I love it however food is food and I will eat it all the same ;-) As for the "hard workers" you both suck because you are not going to be home on the MOST important day of the year and for that we are not celebrating but rather we are officially fighting... so go send you HAH to some where else :-P And I would like to make it quite clear right here right now there will be no frying of rascal in any way!!!!! K____ you can ask J__ what happens when you cross the line!!!!! Can't wait to be home!!!

Love always,
L____

Of Course it sucks that I miss my sister’s birthday every year. Jan. 7. Damn you school…. The younger brother weighs in finally; he is a thinker and likes to choose his words best.

Don't fret L____, I prefer to rebut shit than to keep it rolling down hill. Now K____; don't you think a ballerina calling out a DIV I athlete on figure consciousness is a little like the pot calling the kettle black? I personally think that the bigger the turkey the better and I agree on the pumpkin pie, but could we do hot blueberry pie too? I would also like to request chile for dinner the night we all get into Casper. It could even be cooked weeks in advance and then thrown on the stove to defrost, that way the spices get to blend even more.

Love,
J___

P.S. K___ if you manage to fit all your outfits into a carry on then you don't have to worry about missing your connections because you were transferring your luggage from plane to plane.

Goddammit that happened once, once, and I never live it down. Ah, you wait to get your punches in Ihateyou! A quick reply was fired off to defend my honor:

MMM Chili, nothing like a good case of ass-fire. I am svelte enough thank you. You are the one wooing the ladies. Blueberry pie sounds awesome. Don't worry, there will be no deepfrying of Rascal of any kind, J__ and I are going to pick up a stray when we are in Denver for the Dog-Rolls.

K____

For record, there will be no picking up of stray dogs to satiate my desire for Vietnamese delicacies. Leave it to my older bro to push the line.

I agree with K___ ... rascal simply wouldn't do, nobody wants to eat grissle and bonemeal ... so I suppose the glimutt (gimpy-limping-mutt) is safe for yet another year. I also agree with J____, chilli sounds good ... and since K____ brought it up, how does a coordinated fart assault on his pillow sound? RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO

Seriously though, do you guys want to try to fly into denver for christmas and we can drive up? Not a problem for me. And if any of y'all are worried about loosing a few pounds, let it suffice to say that shitting 14Xday a few times a week is quite effective. However, I have to admit, I don't think there would be nearly the nastolgia for the experience if it happened in the states, so I reccommend that it is tried in some remote south american country.

Well, I am off to run around like a chicken with my head cut off on the frizbee field, and then back to the study of action potentials (ah, it is so wonderful to be studing somthing that requires thinking --- can you believe that a lot of peopel miss anatomy! surgeons (disgusted look on face)).

Take care
PS --- this mindless burke listserve banter is awesome, I think people are looking at me funny because I am laughing out loud in the library as I read these e-mails. I cannot help it though because I can totally imagine everyones tone of voice with their witty remarks (well, in the case of K____ ... dry, ogre-ish sarcasm). Oh, gotta go, I think I pissed off the librarian!

There will be no breaking wind upon my pillow. The suggestion is offensive to say the least. And bringing up the South American Colon Monster (SACM) was just a bit too non-sequitor for me. Once again, I found myself defending my pillows honor.

If you fart on my pillow I will see to it that you have skidmarks on your face in the morning. Consider yourself warned. I will drop trou, and lay a Cleveland steamer on your face.

I don't mind flying into Denver, it seems that my break pretty coincides with J__'s I could see that working, when do L____ and J___ have breaks? I know that J___ is prolly going to want to get back early so he can get back .... with the ladies.... "BOSLEY COME IN! BOSLEY COME IN! THE ANGELS NEED YOU!!!" And as far as L____ may be concerned. Degelman is doing its job.

At this point I am not sure that my mom should still be CC’ed on these missives. Well too late to turn back. Baby sis’ chimed in:

Boys will be boys!

As far as farting on the pillows all I can say is thank god mom had the sense to place the boys down stairs were they belong so I can remain nice and cozy in my bed up stairs, with the sweet smells of plug-ins circulating my room. And if you are going to comment on Rascals smells I can guaruntee they are better than the smells coming out of your asses.

And as for streak marks on the pillows K____ we have got to do something about your colon if you can leave voluntary streak marks on command.... dude you have serious issues.

There will be no eating of Rascal!!!!! There will be no talk of frying him, or saute'ing him (however the hell you spell that) He is too CUTE and loveable to do that!!!

Besides J__ you wouldn't dream of eating the rats you mutalated for two summers, in fact you were proably prety attacthed to some of them... well for the whole 2 hrs that they remained alive that is... lol ok that didn't make sense but hands off the pooch!!!

Anyways, this is how my family communicates. Man, do I look forward to E-mails.