Duty Story #286
So I have some pent up bad Karma. The security guard called me at 1:00 AM this morning to see if it was I that posted some signs warning students about residents tossing objects out the window. No fman I didn’t post the signs personally, yes the office did. His reply, “Oh.” Click. Fuck you man. Fuck you right in the ear.
Other than the fat guard it was more or less an easy duty, everything went smoothly, no hang-ups, got some reading done. But there is this one thing, I love it when residents come into the office and stare at you for about 15 seconds, then give you their ID at the end of this pause, then wait.
Finally, I am like, “and…” Surprised (and annoyed?) that I can’t read their mind.
They huff, “could I sign my guest in overnight?”
The inner asshole in me says, “Fuck no you can’t sign in a guest overnight, you can get a guest pass for them though, if you sign someone in they have to be out by 3:30 AM. There is a difference.” This is the type of person that doesn’t go to floor meetings and gets pissed off when they get in trouble for not following something that was thoroughly explained there.
However the polite exterior says “sure, has your guest stayed here before.” Inner monologue, “you could have asked instead of expecting me to read your mind, dipshit.”
Resident’s Reply, “Um I think so.”
Inner monologue, wow whatever the fuck you are smoking
A.) Really kills your short-term memory
B.) Do you have any more?
Really do you forget if you have friends stay over? Or are you that bad at getting a guest pass for your friend’s boyfriend. Cause if you are that bad, wow.
My actual reply, “What’s their last name” (particularly awkward if the guest is staring at me and his hosts answers, next time, just let your guest do the talking, especially if someone else is going to be fucking him or her tonight.) What do you know, they haven’t stayed here before (Mr. Resident, you really should think about scaling back your peyote intake, it is screwing with your memory.) So I go to create a new guest, and retype in their information.
If my inner monologue gets the better of me then I ask for a middle initial and emergency contact number, remind them that their guest is their responsibility, and that security reserves the right to check to make sure that the guest is with the host at all times in the building. Their eyes get big as they download in their pants, hoping I don’t smell, and that I would never follow through with this threat … by the way, I have followed through.
The pass prints, I emboss, remind them to have it verified if the guest isn’t here, and NO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR IT ON YOUR SHIRT.
So in the future:
“Hi, may I get a guest pass? Here is my ID.”
“Thank you, has your guest stayed here before?”
“Yes he has” (or no he has not)
“His last name is Doe, D-O-E, and his first is John, with an “H” and he will be staying for tonight and tomorrow night”
“Here is your guest pass, make sure to have security verify it when he arrives.”
Now with all the theatre minors (hacks) here at the school you should be able to memorize this little dialogue and there should be no more trouble. I love this job, I only wish that we got some more recognition for how difficult it can be. It wears on me sometimes. Good day, and good luck.
Other than the fat guard it was more or less an easy duty, everything went smoothly, no hang-ups, got some reading done. But there is this one thing, I love it when residents come into the office and stare at you for about 15 seconds, then give you their ID at the end of this pause, then wait.
Finally, I am like, “and…” Surprised (and annoyed?) that I can’t read their mind.
They huff, “could I sign my guest in overnight?”
The inner asshole in me says, “Fuck no you can’t sign in a guest overnight, you can get a guest pass for them though, if you sign someone in they have to be out by 3:30 AM. There is a difference.” This is the type of person that doesn’t go to floor meetings and gets pissed off when they get in trouble for not following something that was thoroughly explained there.
However the polite exterior says “sure, has your guest stayed here before.” Inner monologue, “you could have asked instead of expecting me to read your mind, dipshit.”
Resident’s Reply, “Um I think so.”
Inner monologue, wow whatever the fuck you are smoking
A.) Really kills your short-term memory
B.) Do you have any more?
Really do you forget if you have friends stay over? Or are you that bad at getting a guest pass for your friend’s boyfriend. Cause if you are that bad, wow.
My actual reply, “What’s their last name” (particularly awkward if the guest is staring at me and his hosts answers, next time, just let your guest do the talking, especially if someone else is going to be fucking him or her tonight.) What do you know, they haven’t stayed here before (Mr. Resident, you really should think about scaling back your peyote intake, it is screwing with your memory.) So I go to create a new guest, and retype in their information.
If my inner monologue gets the better of me then I ask for a middle initial and emergency contact number, remind them that their guest is their responsibility, and that security reserves the right to check to make sure that the guest is with the host at all times in the building. Their eyes get big as they download in their pants, hoping I don’t smell, and that I would never follow through with this threat … by the way, I have followed through.
The pass prints, I emboss, remind them to have it verified if the guest isn’t here, and NO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR IT ON YOUR SHIRT.
So in the future:
“Hi, may I get a guest pass? Here is my ID.”
“Thank you, has your guest stayed here before?”
“Yes he has” (or no he has not)
“His last name is Doe, D-O-E, and his first is John, with an “H” and he will be staying for tonight and tomorrow night”
“Here is your guest pass, make sure to have security verify it when he arrives.”
Now with all the theatre minors (hacks) here at the school you should be able to memorize this little dialogue and there should be no more trouble. I love this job, I only wish that we got some more recognition for how difficult it can be. It wears on me sometimes. Good day, and good luck.
posted by Godot at 4:53 PM
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