My Friendships
There are those people that cultivate a sense of mystery about them. For whatever reason, they have fantastic outer personality that conveys a deeper center that is protected and guarded. I am attracted to these people, perhaps to a fault. As I take stock of my sense of being, I look back on the relationships that I have had and still have and search for a common thread. The “what is my type?” question screams through my thoughts constantly begging for my attention. If we could figure out what types of people we are genuinely attracted to it would make our lives so much easier, but at the same time less fulfilling because of the lack of diversity in relations that I cultivate. God forbid, what if my type was a friend that manufactures drama in their lives, or live vicariously through celebrities. Could a man survive without going insane?
Perhaps as a justification for attraction to those with deep inner lives is that I feel like I belong to an exclusive club, I know this person better that the people that are merely in orbit around them. I know their inner thoughts and fears. When they are asked what they are afraid of and respond, “snakes,” I can say to myself, “liar, you are afraid of failure/disappointing your parents/monkeys (insert deep topic here).” And no one knows for the better or the worse. There is a bond that is formed when someone makes himself or herself vulnerable to you; these relationships change you and the person. They have lasting effects on how your worldview is oriented. They allow you to perceive the world through a changed reality; they are with you forever.
When one of those relationships changes, you grow apart; you move away, any number of reasons. The effects that the friend left with me are going to stay forever, thank God, if not wouldn’t those times have been a waste? I consider myself so incredibly lucky to have had friends that challenge my ignorance, my perceptions about the world, my own indifference to justice, that look for ways to keep my ego in check.
The difficulty with these types of relationships is not knowing if you changed the other person as well, or if they did all the work to you. It seems as if in every Cosmo mag. (not that I read Cosmo….) they say you will not be able to change your man, you have to accept him for what he is…. yadda yadda yadda. The sinking feeling that I get is I don’t know if I have changed people like they have changed me. Maybe in little ways have I changed them, but I thank my friends for making me the person that I am today. Quite frankly I don’t trust myself to cultivate my sense of being and my worldview, I need others to challenge my perceptions and my prejudices to make me the best person possible. With that I just need to thank those that have made me a better person, you know who you are.
Perhaps as a justification for attraction to those with deep inner lives is that I feel like I belong to an exclusive club, I know this person better that the people that are merely in orbit around them. I know their inner thoughts and fears. When they are asked what they are afraid of and respond, “snakes,” I can say to myself, “liar, you are afraid of failure/disappointing your parents/monkeys (insert deep topic here).” And no one knows for the better or the worse. There is a bond that is formed when someone makes himself or herself vulnerable to you; these relationships change you and the person. They have lasting effects on how your worldview is oriented. They allow you to perceive the world through a changed reality; they are with you forever.
When one of those relationships changes, you grow apart; you move away, any number of reasons. The effects that the friend left with me are going to stay forever, thank God, if not wouldn’t those times have been a waste? I consider myself so incredibly lucky to have had friends that challenge my ignorance, my perceptions about the world, my own indifference to justice, that look for ways to keep my ego in check.
The difficulty with these types of relationships is not knowing if you changed the other person as well, or if they did all the work to you. It seems as if in every Cosmo mag. (not that I read Cosmo….) they say you will not be able to change your man, you have to accept him for what he is…. yadda yadda yadda. The sinking feeling that I get is I don’t know if I have changed people like they have changed me. Maybe in little ways have I changed them, but I thank my friends for making me the person that I am today. Quite frankly I don’t trust myself to cultivate my sense of being and my worldview, I need others to challenge my perceptions and my prejudices to make me the best person possible. With that I just need to thank those that have made me a better person, you know who you are.
posted by Godot at 4:55 PM
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