Done and Done

Resolutions. Beginning to be friends again. My heart beats slower. The audition is over. Now I just wait. It’s a first date situation. The song … and dance … is over for my time in Seattle. Today everyone finished strong. I think we were all a bit frazzled from our experience yesterday.

I am frazzled from my conversation last night. I worry about pulling for closure of some sort. I am glad to say that we are going to begin to restart a friendship. It’s a first step. That’s all I am going to publish here.

I head back to Denver tomorrow for some R & R, ballet class, some bikram, maybe some nice wine. Gonna hit up the Cork House and snag some of their under-priced bottles.

Things I love about Seattle:
Purple wine bar
Murray at Zig-Zag
My new friends at PNB (and being treated like a company member)
Espresso, and more espresso, well made cappuccinos
Capitol Hill
And the rain, everything is green and lush.
Ridiculous seafood. Seeing a whole Halibut and tuna-side come in at Pike Place.

Right now I think I would be happy here if I am not offered a contract. I have performed well during the audition and in my assessment I would do well here. More later. I need some more coffee after finishing.

Moday Blues and Blacks

Two days of Modern. Day one I was at an advantage, I was one of a handful that had demonstrable Graham and release technique. I wasn’t allowed to get past with petty mistakes, a non-squared spiral, tilted pelvis, I am a firm believer that being held to a higher standard bodes well for me. Today was an easier day. We had modern class this morning, but this afternoon reminded me of Jury Exams. We were taught very divers 32 count segments of choreography and asked to perform them, after only seeing them once. It was stressful. Even right now, as I am finished I feel like I just want to cry. My nerves are shot. I don’t think I could imagine a more taxing experience to go through. We started with 16 counts, and worked our way up to 96 counts, given only one chance to see the choreography with about half of them being from tape. And then we had to do it for the panel.

I saw Ck last night, it was sufficiently weird, and she said some things that have stuck with me through today. I worry about context and wanting clarification so I have done my best to put them in the back of my head and not let them make it up to the front of my psyche. We have plans to meet up this afternoon and I will search for clarification and closure. I still can’t get the thoughts of this afternoon’s process outside of me. It was traumatic; I have learned a new skill for how to torture/audition people if I ever find myself in that position.

I am still rocking on the Seattle vibe. I am genuinely serious about moving here. It’s a place I could dig, and I don’t think I would have a lot of trouble getting a well paying survival job making enough to support myself if I don’t get the apprenticeship. The times that I have gone out I have had good conversations with bartenders and chefs and have received favorable interest. More to follow later

Day 2

Day two was not as glorious as day 1, I found that the soreness that follows a day of dancing within my means bites worse than that after the first day of African or Robert Battle. My insides are sore, my fingers are sore, and the backs of my knees hurt. My hips, hammies, shoulders are all fine, but it’s the minutiae of me that took a beating yesterday. I still danced well. Using my soreness as a guide to where my body was in space. I remember from school the days when I was best on my leg were the days after a hard abdominal workout or with sore hamstrings. Soreness was my way of channeling awareness. If tensions in my muscles manifest soreness then a self-realization was first evident. Ballet this morning was tough, the instructor put us through the ropes of a Fosse-like class, I lost count of the times we had to do the tendú combination as I sensed them trying to reach our breaking point as a group. Like pieces of aluminum being stress tested, we were watched for consistency, what comparisons could you draw from my 12th plié to me 86th? Hopefully there was none, that the first was as juicy and released as the last, but knowing my body, I am in good physical shape, but my dance shape has been lacking. I feel that ballet might have worked against me today, not taking consistent class since graduation left those small muscles tuned for consistency a bit lazy.

After a quick lunch with some of the dancers where we ducked into a cute little bistro for a simple baguette and salami to fuel the afternoon, a requisite espresso was also in order. Following lunch we had a partnering class. Luckily we were supplemented with 4 of the corps dancers from the company, because the 3 of us demonstrating partnering on 25 girls would have left the girls at a severe disadvantage. Aware of the trust that must be formed between a partner and his lady placed a lot of responsibility on my part. If my partnering skills were not up to par, my girl could be blamed. Justifiably there are some situations where poor partnering chemistry is not the boy’s fault. A girl has to be strong, and self aware of where her leg is. In a finger-turn my job is to maintain her motion, and not pull her off of her leg, in the event that she overcorrects or finds herself off her leg. But not being there in the first place and assuming that it is my job to put her on her leg is only my responsibility if I am in control of the preparation. I found that I did well in the partnering class. I was consistent and lucky to not to have to work with the smallest of the girls. I think that there is a common assumption that smaller dancers make for easier partnering, but often it is not the case, I tend to prefer a dancer that is strong enough to give me honest resistance and to provide counter-balance and counter-pressure to my movements. This is something that I have to work on, but I have yet to develop finesse to my partnering, perhaps I rely too much on my partner’s ability to correct my own judgment. Heh, my newfound self-awareness should help in my understanding of what is to come.

Following our partnering excursion we head into learning variations. I feel that this is one of the areas where my formal education was lacking. Classical ballets have set scores and set choreographies. Like an actor’s monologues, or a jazz musician’s standards, dancers have variations that are common and should be known in personal rep. For those of us unlucky to not know “bluebird” we were given a 10-minute review of the choreography and the coaching began. I was in this group. Luckily at the bare minimum I was familiar with the music so my expression and interpretation of the score had a depth. The choreography came quickly, Forsythe and Meyers made sure that my ability to pick up and reverse choreography was at a tuned level. Like riding a bike, I definitely came to rely on my old tricks for re-memory and perception. Still, of the men, I was the one not familiar with the choreography and found myself first at advantage. The name of the drill this was to see how well we took coaching, picked up nuance ad adapted to what was thrown at us. If the exercise was to find out who grew the most through the coaching, then I did well, if they were looking for who presented the best final product I am not so confident in my showing. I guess my end perceptions of the day leave me somewhere in the middle. Not sure of what exactly they were looking for (assuredly a combination of the two) I say that my day’s performance places me in the middle of the pack.

I am excited for tomorrow. In lieu of ballet, we are starting with a modern class, which should play into some of my strengths followed in the afternoon with modern partnering. Luckily these are two things that I am versed in. I just hope to channel some of Kevin Wynn’s bombastic energy and size 14 feet.


I think at this point I am thoroughly infatuated with Seattle proper; it rained this afternoon and was gorgeous as the studio we were in for variations overlooked the bay. At this point in my juncture, without this apprenticeship I could still find myself in the city, happy and alone. Coming to this conclusion and my evaluation of life here at a cursory level and my own assessment of my personal qualities/strengths/weaknesses has left me with this realization. Through Christmas my perceptions of the city were left colored a shade rose, the benefits seemed a little more grand, and the detriments a bit trite. Events forced me to re-evaluate my perceptions. Benefits lost some luster, and the detriments gained a bit of a bite. I hope to have dinner again in the Capital Hill district after my dinner Downtown left my wallet a bit lighter. My first night here I ventured to Capital Hill and enjoyed the eclectic nature of the district, it’s a bit Brooklyn meets West Village. Not everyone is a scenester, but the mix of people who may maintain an apartment on the UES living next door with a TVestite punk-rocker reminds me of a place where I could live, be myself, and people watch without becoming bored. I want to have dinner there again.

Day one of hopefully many

Well, the first day was … exhausting. There are 28 people participating in the workshop and only 2 other men. The women run the gamut from the youngest being 16 to the oldest being my age. Surprisingly, I am the youngest of the men invited to audition (by 2 weeks). It seems to be a competitive group. I am surprised by the ballet’s apparent affinity for the Balanchine figure. The women are long and skinny, I would say that only 2 or 3 of them remind me of the dancers at Ailey, having muscle and balance, yet a strong grace in the way that they move. In observing the end of their Pointe class I found myself wanting to observe these few and following the eyesight of the mistress I thought I could discern her interest as well. They had such grace and authority executing the allegro combinations.

As for Men’s class, since there were only 3 of us, we took Men’s “strength and technique” with the other corps’s men. My arms no longer belong to me. My neck and traps feels as if it is one giant powerful knot resting on my shoulder. I have found that I can hold a plank for a respectable 3 minutes and am capable of cranking out 32 handstand pushups. Those days in the gym prior to my arrival here tapped into something. I felt lucky because of the 3 of the other men here I am situated in the middle as far as strength is concerned, and in the middle as far as flexibility is concerned. Which surprised me, I was not flexible at Ailey, the most flexible of the men in the workshop is small, and short, I would say at the most a generous 5’7” maybe in heels (a bit of a Queen, but in a cute affable way). The oldest and strongest of the men (as far as strength is concerned) has ok technique, he doesn’t have great feet and is a bit slow on his feet, he dances as if he is waiting for the music to push him forward instead of cresting on the waves of the conductor.

Ballet this morning was what I was used to. Live music (thank God!!!) and class really reminded me of the company classes that I was lucky to take with Colorado Ballet. The barre exercises were rote Balanchine (again I was lucky for the refresher in Denver). The dancers didn’t seem nervous, I would say that more than half of them were from the North-West and knew each other going into the workshop (usually from taking a summer seminar at PNB). I actually think I may walk away with a few friends from the experience.

Following orientation and ballet in the morning we broke for a quick lunch and I found a sushi stand where I scarfed some tuna and albacore. I have to admit that the albacore was a bit off-putting. I don’t think I had a very good piece, there were bits of connective tissue in it and I was left the impression that the piece of sashimi I was served was from the end of a loin and not a prime slice. But the tuna was a light purple, not the dark purple of Grade IV sashimi, probably a Grade III and was properly cleaved diagonally on the grain: superb slicing of the loin with a slight amount of marbling. It was indicative of winter tuna and all the things I love about the cold-water fish.

Following lunch the men were separated and we went to our class and the women went to Pointe. After which we had a discussion with some of the directors and dancers in the company where we could ask questions about what to expect from them and from Seattle. Very helpful in that Seattle has a good arts community but it isn’t famous like New York so the first hand knowledge was inexpendable.

Which brings me to now sitting in a coffee shop writing this and unwinding. I am still coursing with a bit of adrenaline from the day. And am in need of a bit of caffeine since I had to leave my hotel at 7 this morning to get to the school by 9. But for the price I got this is me not complaining.

My general impression of Seattle is that it’s a pretty cool place, I ducked into a Border’s and bought a Lonely Planet guide to help me figure out how to do stuff and am definitely digging this coffee house vibe. I ate dinner at a pub last night downtown and was saved that it was a bit of a dive. I didn’t want to be a lonely guy eating at a solo table on Valentine’s Day. That just seemed kind of sad so eating and chatting with the bartender was a great option. Tonight a couple of the dancers wanted to eat at this wine bar/café in Downtown so I think I am going to join them.

Today was not nearly as weird as I was worried about it as far as being in the same city as Ck and having not seen her yet. Last night at dinner I was looking over my shoulder feeling as if she was watching me eat dinner and again this morning as if she would be waiting for me to go into the ballet. I don’t know where those fears come from. This is a big city. I am only going to run into her in a week if it’s on purpose.

My initial impression of the city first hand is that it’s pretty fucking awesome though, the weather doesn’t get me down, everyone says it rains and the benefit of that is that it’s incredibly green and you run around in a gore-tex shell to keep dry. That doesn’t bother me; in fact I would say it would bother me more if it were always hot and dry. And like I said the permeation of the coffee shop culture is pretty cool. At orientation this morning everyone sat around sipping espresso and noshing on fresh fruit. People sat around chatting, there was some swapping of war stories. But there was no-one sitting in the hall-way trying to crank their leg over their head in an intimidating (and foolish) display of flexibility… well there was one girl doing that, but she looked like if she coughed she would break herself. She was T.B. skinny.

Maybe more tonight, I need to get a light post out there and get some humor off my chest.

(Insert Witty Title Here)

Hi, quick update, I am sure that I may have something fun and witty to say before long, today, not that day, and tomorrow is not looking so good as well. Maybe Thursday.

On any note, I am still in Casper, therapy is going well, work is also going well, some friction with my immediate boss, but I’m sure that has something to do with him insisting on touching tables about wine when his philosophy consists of “if you like it drink it, and if it’s expensive it must be good.” Now, I am a fan of drinking what one likes and knowing what one likes. I think there is an air to being a sommelier that can seem so stuffy. “Oh my god are you drinking chardonnay with a steak?!?!” (if that steak is veal and the chardonnay is an un-oaked minerally variety with high acid …. Then I might be game to try that out) But the last thing you want to do is go to a table and tell them “hey I like Cab Sav, you like Cab Sav let’s boil off your palate before you dig into that lobster penne…” As well, it’s just hard to take someone’s opinion seriously when they have a self proclaimed love of asti spumanti…..

Seattle is still in the picture. I have been invited to audition for an apprenticeship with Pacific Northwest Ballet in January. That’s exciting, it’s one of the companies that I aspire to, they are doing some really cool contemporary work, and they still have a classical edge. I still have a desire to work with some smaller choreographers and do some small, intimate, very forward work, which I really hope to get the chance to do.

As for right now, I am focusing on getting healthy, learning as much as I can about Bordeaux, keeping healthy, and putting my life back on track.

… Oh and I had to have my eyebrows waxed, not my decision, and it hurt like a bitch. I always had such a respect for women, but eyebrow waxing, seriously, fucking, hurt. And they waxed my little neck hairs. What is it with stylists and whatever ripping hair out of my body instead of simply cutting it off. But I looked pretty, and I guess that’s what they were looking for.